he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
