K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
