i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
