..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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