Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
