I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
