You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
