God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
