U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
