You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Someone came in the potted fern
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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