no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
