Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize