I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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