Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
