i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
