Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
