My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Houston, we have a blender
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
