She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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