he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
