im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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