she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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