I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
