I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
