do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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