here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize