today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You pole danced in your parka.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
