Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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