She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Fuck appropriateness.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
