i was born a porn star she said
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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