I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
