Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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