i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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