Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
