Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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