Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
