First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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