his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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