Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
