I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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