I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
