i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
