I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize