He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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