Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Soap is not a condiment
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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