I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
