And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
