Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
