I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
