i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
