The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
