Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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