it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dicks are not precious.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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