no, he came in my armpit
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
