I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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