I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
