maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
