Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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