T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
