She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
