so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
