took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
