I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can't turn off my feet"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
