I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
