Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
