i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
