I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
