I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
