Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
