Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize