Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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