Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
