Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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