If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
my poor anus
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
