Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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