You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
