Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
