I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
