I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
