he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So here I am, sexting at work.
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