Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
