if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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