woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
