jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He felt like a one man threesome
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
