So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
