i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Damn victory sex feels great
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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