i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
