Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Randomize
