New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
