so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
