..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
