I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
