just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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