I wish I could punch you in the face.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
