I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
