I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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