1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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