sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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