My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize