You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize