All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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