are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
