??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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