Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
