Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think my moral compass just broke
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