Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
